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Improving Mental Health Triggering Your Inner Critic

3 min read

Mirror image of a male face that's been digital manipulated. The face has been split in red and blue colors

 

"When change comes from a place of non-acceptance, and when there's an absence of compassion, the inner critic is then often driving the bus." ~Dr. Candice Creasman

It's easy to look at the quote above and agree quickly without introspection. That's fear, keeping us away from the pain and emotion we carry within. Change is something we crave. We find ourselves always reaching for more. The loose, societal definition of success is "more." If you can get an A in school, why can't you get an A+? One promotion at work is great, but what's next? You've lost weight, but can you now tone your muscles?

Goals are not necessarily evil, but they need to be clearly defined. Often, like for me, there isn't a specific goal. Instead, I dwell on the fact that I'm not enough, no matter the accomplishment. This is me not accepting myself. That's my inner critic demanding change.

I can also use peer groups or society in general to beat myself up. This social comparison is another way to motivate change. Obviously, it is still coming "from a place of non-acceptance." Moreover, it can find its way into recovery. Just like the desire to lose weight might seem like a decent goal, improving mental wellness is a great idea. Except, when it is the inner critic "driving the bus."

I've made progress, but it's a slow process. Truthfully, this will always be part of my life. The hope that tomorrow I will wake up confident, successful, and no longer bothered by my inner critic or depression is a myth. Regardless, it's a myth that can be very compelling. Thus, my inner critic uses it as motivation for change. I see you, the reader, as a "normal" person. Why can't I be successful like you? Suddenly, my desire to get well has been twisted back into my pattern of old. I'm not enough. My efforts, my progress so far, are not enough. I am a joke.

Can It Be Both?

Of course, it's the lens that I'm looking through. Using social comparison and non-acceptance, I see a failure. With the compassion spectacles on, I see progress and I can taste a faint dusting of gratitude. For me, I think there's still much work in forgiveness to be done. I'm still punishing myself for the past. "So much of my life was wasted in depression. There's so little time ahead," I think. So for me, acceptance may come in the form of forgiveness. Here and now, there's nothing I can do about my past. Probable futures where I beat depression 20 years ago, or where I'm "successful" are a distraction. Here is where I need to be, in acceptance.

There are days, where I wake up and leave the compassion spectacles on the dresser. I have to accept this as well. Yes, I have screwed up. Yes, I am sad. I am tired. So be it. Living in denial, or non-acceptance, is not healthy. Yet, that very thought can engage the inner critic and send me into the past or the future. It's a loop. Accepting that today, or better yet, that this moment is a difficult one, is a far better strategy.

 

I go forward attempting to ask myself who is driving the bus. What is my motivation for change, today?

Wish me luck.

Much <3

the image above is part of a series or study of my emotions that I was working through on my Pixelfed account. It will be on my art blog soon.



Morning Mantra Seies

 

The last two recordings were a soft reset. Previously doing each mantra daily for a month felt somewhat rote. I was missing the piece of feeling what I was actually telling myself. After hitting the basics of meditation and mindfulness, it's time to start again.

I'm starting with forgiveness. This month's mantra is an effort to heal the wounds I've inflicted on myself through guilt and shame. I cannot move forward finding self-worth if I don't like myself.

As always, you can listen above, download, or subscribe.

Download here-- Morning Mantra Seis

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If you have any interest in supporting me, try the support link above, or the store. By the way, there's a Mantra Mutt, our lovable mascot, t-shirt in my store now. Thanks!

Much <3

Morning Mantra Dos

The text of Morning Mantra Dos and a drawing of a meditating dog

Perfectionism is a burden I carry. It comes from this overwhelming feeling that I am not enough. In Radical Acceptance: Awakening the Love That Heals Fear and Shame, Tara Brach writes "Imperfection is not our personal problem--it is a natural part of existing." The need to constantly be better may seem like a positive goal, but Brach goes on to say, "Staying occupied is a socially sanctioned way of remaining distant from our pain."

I'm not saying that we should stop trying to improve, but in order to progress we need to take stock of our situation. We need to accept it. This can be a difficult task. To avoid our own suffering we might blame others or believe the world is against us. We may deny that anything is wrong and try to move on and make changes without really understanding what's wrong in the first place. Thus, we fall back into the same destructive patterns.

For example, forgiveness of ourselves or others cannot happen until we accept the situation. I haven't had steady work for a number of years. I am ashamed to admit that. I feel like a loser. I get caught up in this story of shame, anger, and feeling sorry for myself every time I think about it. Applying for jobs is often not done to make changes in my life, but to punish myself for being a loser. I do it to make myself feel worse. I simply haven't accepted where I am.

Therefore, I'm terrified of more failures. I want everything to be perfect. In Self-Compassion Dr. Kristin Neff shared the following:

When you can trust that failure will be greeted with understanding rather than judgment, it no longer becomes the boogeyman lurking in the closet. Instead, failure can be recognized as the master teacher it is.

Remember if this guided meditation-style thing doesn't work, you can try writing out the mantra in a journal. Dr. Nathaniel Branden found that sentence completion exercises worked well at changing behavior for his patients.

If you'd like to download the